Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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