I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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