I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
