i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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