his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
