I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
