There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
