i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
