Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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