Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
