Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
