I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
