dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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