4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
