real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
