Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
