he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
