4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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