the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
