The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize