Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
