The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
