it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
