nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
