Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
