if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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