just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
