i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
