Taylor Swift is so right about you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
