Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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