I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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