oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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