Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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