Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
