I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
