The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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