so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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