Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
