i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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