girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
