good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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