Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Im part way to drunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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