i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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