He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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