That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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