i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
