Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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