Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
