Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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