i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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