At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Randomize
