i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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