O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
