just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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