all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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