Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
