i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
