After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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