As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
