She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
