i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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