dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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