I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
