The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
