i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
