We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
