what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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