I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
