I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
