he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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