Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
