Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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