New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
