Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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