i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
