so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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