Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
