Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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