we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need water and some morals
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
