Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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